My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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