i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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