BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
