it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
