when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
