I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize