i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
