Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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