i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
