I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
