tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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