i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
