The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
