I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
