"it" just moved
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
