Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i now understand why vodka
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
