I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize