i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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