11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
