she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
