im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
