4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
