It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
