ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
