After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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