Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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