In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
