his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm always down for nudity.
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