maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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