He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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