Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
