upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
