On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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