last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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