You smell like stripper and shame
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
