i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
