upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
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