I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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