I'm really into asian looking animals
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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