i just wanna soil my oats bro
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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