he was CRYING into my vagina
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
