Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just had sex bonerless
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
