I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
A bitchslap is in order.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
