Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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