whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
