Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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