my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
