Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
