You made me cry and you don't even care
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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