dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
