After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
