break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
