no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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