I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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