i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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