now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
