Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
