i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
