I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
