Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
