He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize