I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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