so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
