i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
