I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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