After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
