why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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