i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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